


Dealing with Depression

by lauwenxashley



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Other, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 11:51:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18164840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lauwenxashley/pseuds/lauwenxashley
Summary: ok so 1) this doesn’t have anything to do with dan & phil specifically but since they’re huge advocates for mental health, i figured this would be a good fandom to put this in! 2) i’m aware that this isn’t like necessarily the most realistic timeline of the end of depression, or maybe it is for some people idk but i just opened up my notes a couple of days ago, started writing, and this is what happened. the way everyone feels when they’re depressed is different for the most part and the way people get over depression can also be different. + i added what i did/do to help myself deal with my depression as well. i’m not trying to disrespectfully generalize here or anything. ok this summary is long enough bye





	Dealing with Depression

When you dont get out of bed for 80-90% of the day, it can very easily seem like the days go by so fast. You’re not sure when the sun went up or when it went down. You’re not even sure if the sun went up at all sometimes - the blinds are usually closed. You know when it’s time to put on a hoodie and when it’s time to take it off, but you have a hard time telling when it’s time to wash your clothes. You have a hard time when it’s time to wash yourself for that matter. Your mind is constantly restless but your body couldn’t be happier staying in bed all day. Sometimes it’s the opposite though so you just let yourself sleep all day so you don’t have to deal with the fact that even though your body wants to get up, your mind can’t fathom it. Countless thoughts go through your mind - wishing it was easier, wanting to be able to go outside and enjoy the day time, wanting get at least something done. It’s hard. It’s really truly hard. It’s hard to explain how you feel to anyone besides yourself and sometimes you don’t even really know what you’re feeling. You just know that being awake more often than not feels like one of the hardest things you’ve been managing to get through. Trying to remember when you’ve started to feel that way is hard, but maybe there wasn’t a specific point in time when this started to happen. You definitely wish that it would go away and you could enjoy life again. Days slowly go by until it’s been a week and multiple times you’ve try to summon the energy and will power to get up to do a chore, but it’s just not happening. You’ve gotten up to take a shower once though and you count that as a victory for yourself. You bring your food to your bed a lot, it’s easier eating in bed alone than sitting at the table with family while they ask you why you’ve haven’t gotten much done these past couple months, why you’ve been so lazy, and other things that you just don’t have the answers to but so badly wish you did. You don’t know why your brain and body is like this, you wish you did though. You wish you could tell your brain and body to knock it off so that you could be a normal human. You want to be able to clean your room, clean yourself, shower more often, utilize the daytime more, see your friends. You want to be able to do that, but right now you can’t and therefore you can’t face other people asking when you’re going to do those things and why you haven’t yet. It sucks. You hope to be able to figure it out soon and maybe you’ll be able to get it together soon and you can start trying to be a functional human being. 

Another month goes by and you’ve come so restless and annoyed with yourself and life. You’ve barely gotten out of bed this month. You’ve showered once, your room hasn’t been cleaned in 3 weeks and neither have your clothes. You’re aware you’re a mess and you avoid going near others because you don’t need to be reminded that you are. You already feel shitty enough and you don’t need others to add to it. You want to start getting better soon. It’s been months and you want to start being a functional human being. As much as you wish it would happen like this - life doesn’t automatically fix you and no one else can. Others can help you, but they can’t be the ones to fix you. You know this, and you don’t expect anyone else to be the ones to do it but it’s hard to have to fix yourself. It’s going to be a hard process. But you know you have to try, so that’s what you’re going to do.

You’ve given yourself two more weeks to see if you would start feeling better. You’re not shocked when you don’t and you actually just feel worse. You decide it’s time to start helping yourself. It’s going to be a hard process and you know you need to prepare. You know you’ll slip up sometimes, you know you’ll have bad days, and you know you shouldn’t give yourself a hard time for days where you just can’t do it and days where you feel like absolute shit. You know it’s going to be a hard process. You make a list of things you’re going to try to do to help yourself. You’re going to set a couple of alarms to help try to wake you up in the morning so you don’t sleep in or sleep all day. You’re going to start preplanning meals so your kitchen doesn’t look as daunting when you go to make yourself a snack or meal and see 84 million food possibilities. You’re going to record your favorite tv shows so you have a reason to leave your room. You’re going to write a list of 5 things that you’re happy about or thankful for everyday to help you remember to be grateful for what you have and who you are. You’re going to start with these things to ease your way into getting better. You hope that these things will help you start to become a functional person.

It’s been 3 weeks and things are going better. They’re not going great, they’re not going well per say, but they’re going better. You’ve been using your alarm clock - sometimes you don’t wake up to your alarm clock and you sleep in. Some days you just can’t do it and you turn off your alarm clock. But some days you wake up due to your alarm clock, you listen to it, you get up, and unsurprisingly you do feel a bit better. You’ve been preplanning meals - sometimes you’ll forget, sometimes you just don’t know what to make. But most days, it goes pretty well and the kitchen nor the food items you have in your kitchen feels as daunting. It’s actually become a place where you spend more time than you could’ve ever fathomed spending time in. You’ve been recording your favorite shows - this one has gone really well actually. Even though you’ve seen all the episodes, you’re just excited to watch whatever ones you’ve recorded. You almost never miss a day watching whatever you’ve recorded. You’ve made the best process in this category, and sometimes on days when you just can’t get up, you still get up to watch a show or two. You know you’ve made progress when there’s a day that you just can’t do it and you find yourself wishing you could get out of bed to watch it. Even though it’s just tv, you still count it as a victory.

It’s been another two weeks. You decide it’s time to add more things to the list. You think about what things you could add that are slightly more than what you’ve been doing but still aren’t too much. You decide to add three more things to the list. You add making sure to shower every week. You decide on this because it’s going to be harder as you’re only showering once every two weeks right now, but your hair should be washed at least once a week so you figure that’s fair. You add brushing your teeth twice a day, because as gross as it seems sometimes the smallest things don’t seem like they’re worth the effort of getting out of bed. Lastly, you add change your clothes once a day. You decide on these three things are things that are small, fast things that can seem like they’re not worth the effort of getting out of bed if you’re just going to return to it 15-20 minutes later at most (would be about 5 minutes but the shower makes it become 15-20). They’re important things to start making a habit and you decide that you need to start prioritizing your own hygiene. You realize that when you’re feeling like this. your hygiene can feel like it’s the last thing on your mind and/or if importance, but it’s truly so important. It also helps you feel more put together and productive. Those three things definitely need to be on the list. You’re proud of what your list is starting to look like and you hope that you can keep up with it.

It’s been another couple of weeks and things are starting to look up. You still have your bad days, but now you’re having your good days. You notice time, you notice daylight, and you notice night time. You don’t spend nearly as much of your time asleep or in bed. You still spend a good portion of time in your bed, but depression isn’t fixed within a couple of months. You’re starting to smile and laugh more. You know that sometimes you’re going to be sad and depressed, but now at least sometimes you’ll be happy and laugh too. You’re glad you decide to start helping yourself. It’s not an easy task and it’s still not going to be. You’ve also decided to start talking to friends and family about how you’ve been feeling. You’ve even been considering going to see a therapist. Therapy isn’t for everyone, but you sure would like to give it a try as there’s so much you don’t know and nothing helps the uninformed like being educated by someone who truly knows and understands what topic you’re dealing with. Things are getting better and you couldn’t be more relieved. You’ve got a long way to go, but youre ready to fight your way through this. It might come back, and you know this but you also know that if it does come back it won’t be forever and you know how to deal with it. 

It can be a hard battle trying to deal with this kind of thing while simultaneously trying to deal with parents. Some people are lucky and their parents and/or parent realizes that they’re going through something and will reach out or back off depending on how well they know their child/what their child needs from them. Some people aren’t as lucky and their parents just don’t care or their parents don’t understand/don’t believe in mental health issues. Trying to figure out what’s happening to you while having parents telling you that you’re fine or that what you’re dealing with isn’t real, is one of the hardest things to deal with. Mental health issues are very much so real and they deserve to be acknowledged. Try to educate yourself. Inform yourself. If you think you’re dealing with something, talk to a professional. If they disagree, talk to someone else. There’s a plethora of options in the mental health world and you deserve to have your issues helped. It doesn’t make you a burden, it doesn’t make you the weird one out, and it doesn’t make you weird. It makes you human and it makes you someone who deserves to have a happy life. 

Depression is hard to battle, but you’re important and deserve to make it through the battle.


End file.
